Sunday, October 01, 2006


A sneeze (a good hearty one) is probably the most satisfying experience a person can have. But not everyone is blessed with a good hearty sneeze. Come to think of it, there are so many kinds of sneezes and sneezers. Almost like distinct personality types.

The Rumbling sneeze – Generally a loud "Harrrrrrsh". Gives people ample warning, enabling them to dodge the germs flung at them.
The Internal Exploders – Along the lines of "Ptchui" or "Booff'. The entire experience contained somewhere between the lungs and the nasal cavity. So much so that sometimes no air is expelled.
The Stiff-Upper-lippers – "A-tishoo" followed by a lace hanky with the sneezers name embroidered along the edge. (I've never really met this type, but I'm sure they exist)
The Out-of-Control sneeze – There is no customary sound for this category. It is based more on the body language, often confused with an ancient tribal dance, which precedes the sneeze. In most cases, the world is not enough.
The Bombshell – This is the most entertaining one. Usually takes everyone, including the sneezer, by surprise. Often ends in a mild mishap. Makes life exciting.
The Jet Spray – Sort of self-explanatory. Largely wet.
The Hoax – This is the evil one. It tickles, wheedles and confuses. Makes you look and feel like a fool, but never gives you the ultimate satisfaction of actually being one when you want it the most.

(These are off the top of my head. I'm sure there are more, so feel free to add to the list. It may be a subject worth documenting.)

I even think people have the ability to sneeze in their native languages. I know for a fact that I can sneeze in Hindi, if I so choose.

Sneezing is also referred to as 'sternutation'. Why and how i know this beats me.

Apparently, you cannot sneeze with your eyes open. Those of you who are like me will actually try this the next time round, if you haven't already. It's a bit like when someone in a small gathering says "Most human beings cannot lick their own elbow". Inevitably, the disbelievers will try their best to prove the speaker wrong. The remaining will proceed to try it out once they reach home. It's human nature. I mean, you can never take someone else's word about a thing like this. Imagine living your whole life thinking you can't lick your elbow, when actually you can! A great loss.

Now, since I am part human, I tried my hand at sneezing with my eyes open. And guess what...It is possible. Although, it is understandable why we would naturally want to close our eyes. For one, there is nothing much to see. Secondly, it is incredibly difficult when practically all the muscles in the body are gearing up for the grand expulsion. My eyeballs felt like they would pop. Thankfully they didn't. Never will I risk my eyeballs again. Thirdly, it can't be a pretty sight for an on-looker.

To sum up my experience: I felt like a mule (something I have never felt like before).

In my defense, I refuse to be a cynic without being thoroughly convinced of the matter-at-hand. Look at it this way: I had a good hearty sneeze, felt like something I had never felt like before, and was blessed in return. All in all, it was worth the effort, I think.


Anonymous Veer said...

I'll just take your word for it. I have no idea what I'd do if my eyeballs were to actually pop out. Would only one pop out and then I'd be able to see it with the other one and push it back in? Would the glasses in front of my eyes burst too?

Anyway, I think there's at least one other type to add to the list:

The Cause n Affect sneeze - A ticklish sneeze that isn't usually good enough for really pushing stuff out of your nose. Causes more tickling and affects another cause n affect sneeze that causes more tickling and affects another cause n affect sneeze that causes more tickling and affects another cause n affect sneeze that...

It's almost like a reminder that you better say Excuse Me when you get the chance to, so that someone might actually bless you, otherwise it's never going to end.

3:48 am  
Blogger apucalypse now said...

Oh man! A tesselating sneeze. Just what the doctor had ordered. I shall scribble that down....

4:17 am  
Anonymous gops said...

you forgot the 'snart'.. the one where you sneeze and fart at the same time..(don't take it personally, i don't mean 'you' alone..i'm sure there are many others who experience the same)
although it could be mistaken for a mallu with a bad cold bcos he is sure to 'snart' out all his mucusaaa..

5:31 am  
Blogger pari said...

as always, your biggest fan laughs the most. and uncontrollably. kinda fell off my chair.

2:44 am  

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